I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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