i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
