SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
