Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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