It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
