The brown eye won't let me do that either.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
