How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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