you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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