Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
