Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
