Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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