A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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