Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Blood and glitter go together right?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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