Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
