and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
