Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
