You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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