i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
