HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
