I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
