Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
