The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
