just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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