well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
