How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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