So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
