i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
