I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
