He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
