Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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