I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
How does one acquire holy water?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
