I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
