New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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