i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
