I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
