I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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