GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We talked him into tasing himself.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
