I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
