just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
