If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
