I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
