reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
