Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Randomize
