I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
