Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
