can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize