Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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