Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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