i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize