I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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