how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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