the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Of course I have a pirate flag
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You ruined the universe
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
