I smell stomach acid.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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