Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm lost and stupid without you.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
