Having a random hookup so left but love u
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
