I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
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