we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
