Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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