My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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