are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
