What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I wish I could punch you in the face.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
