Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
