I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
