We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
