her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
