Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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