OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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