That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
