Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
