well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
