just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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