'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
