i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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